Posted on 02 March 2016
I had grand plans for Lexie's 2nd birthday. She is our sweet little girl; placid...smiley...so it was going to be a 'sweet' birthday of pastels and gold, donuts and sprinkles. That's what was on my Pinterest board at least!
The reality was we took a donut decorated cake to life group on Sunday, gathered the kids around, sang her happy birthday and called it a party. (We'll do better next year kiddo! : )
It really was still sweet, but a bit of an anti climax from what I had in my head. I really wanted to do something significant.
You see, in my head and heart, Lexie's life has ironically been tied up in my sisters death. She was only 7 weeks old when our world changed. I was so immersed in newborn things. Already in that fog of recovering from birth, nightly feeds, learning a new child, when I was thrown into this confusion and sadness. It was all kind of intertwined. And while, I'm sure it will always have some kind of association, I didn't want that strong connection anymore, and for some reason I had her turning two years old as some mental line in the sand for breaking that.
Nothing significant happened on her birthday. And to be honest, I don't think I look at her or my sisters death much differently. But we kind of made it to two years old. That's significant! I feel good about that. I'm here. And I'm pretty happy with life. That's enough right now.